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The First Step

Life never turns out to be the story you write in your head.

My little man has kept me guessing since labour started. All my ideas of a woman's beautiful right of passage were challenged by unfeeling and at times rude medical staff, a need for an unplanned c-section, time in the NICU, and then issues with breastfeeding. Mix all that together with some postpartum depression, panic attacks and PTSD as well as with untreated generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder add a dash of marital trouble and a soupçon of sleep deprivation and one begins to see a picture of the rollercoaster ride the last two years have been. I have never been so tired, so anxious, so isolated, so separated from my body, or so aware of how different I feel.

In the midst of all that negative is a bright, shiny positive in the shape of one perfect tiny human. My son astounds me daily. I am struck by a sense of wonder watching him learn to traverse this crazy world of ours. Everything is new. Everything is interesting. Everything is a learning opportunity. He is amazing, and I am so grateful every single day that he is a part of my world, (cue the Disney music). Granted his adventurous nature makes it feel like I am on suicide watch most days. I also never knew I could love someone so much who on a regular basis beats me with his tiny hands, tiny feet, and occasionally his very hard head. At the end of the day his smile can make everything else disappear and I would do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to protect and nurture this new life.

Having said all that I'll come to the point. My big, technicolour vision for this website is to create a safe space to speak about parenthood and mental illness. A space to gain ideas and comfort. A space to participate. To get there I hope to share my trials and tribulations in the trenches and start a conversation with other parents who have experienced the same thing. Over the last two years I have discovered that knowing I am not alone in my struggles makes them easier to bear. I will admit I haven't quite figured out how to accomplish all this, and I expect a steep learning curve. But I'm going to keep trying, so bear with me and have compassion.

I look forward to chatting with you. Until then.....

Good luck and Godspeed Surviving Tiny Humans!

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